I'm human, that's all there is to me. If you insist, i'm awkward, weird, and often misunderstood. I like writing, reading, and listening to music. My heart lies in my thoughts and it'll stay there. I have a tendency to run away from problems and just write.
P.S. You're looking beautiful today.
- Camille’s ignoring me. For two weeks now.
- Half of me feels really really depressed about this whole thing while the other part of me just doesn’t feel anything.
- I’m starting to become the person who doesnt care if they’re alone. Everyone leaves anyways.
- Finals week is coming up. Time goes by so damn fast.
- I leave for JCLC in 3 weeks and for COSMOS in 5 weeks.
- I’m forgetting to eat and that worries me.
- I started exercising again. Maybe this will save me from depression?
- It’s funny how your hugs make me feel warm and happy all over.
- I love how you always run to me just to give me a hug, it’s really one of the things that make my day.
- I think your obsession with food and hugging people make you so damn similar to Julie it’s crazy.
- I honestly am still thinking about your wish.
- What you said during that Skype makes me a bit hopeful of something that will never happen.
- If I was being completely honest, I still do have a crush on you.
- 2 more AP Test and Final Project time..
It’s kind of scary how I’ve been dreaming of all these future situations. I mean, I know that it’s probably just nothing, but, I know that a lot of times, my dreams turn into situations in the future. I don’t even know when it started, but, it’s just weird. All of the dreams are pretty much about a person- I can’t really remember who. But all of them contain situations related to dating or some shit. One was even a borderline wet dream… Okay, maybe it was a wet dream. But honest to god, it felt so real. I mean, I even remember the last thing I said was ‘That was my first time.’ and how the persons face was of pure shock. I just don’t know. *flips table*
- My minds a mess,sort of.
- You remind me of my bestfriend. You guys act the same and have the same habits. Like, your clinginess and thinking are almost exactly similar it’s pretty stupid.
- I don’t want to deal with next year, especially without Camille.
- I’m kind of sad, but I don’t want to admit it.
- I just want to start running again..
- I’m always saying i’ll change myself but nothing ever really happens.
- There’s so many options for the future that it’s pretty ridiculous.
- So far my colleges have been narrowed to West Point, SDSU, UCSD, UC Berkeley, UPenn, and Brown.
- Army ROTC/ Navy ROTC. I’m not really sure yet.
- I’d like a college where I could have some freedom and I think it’s better if I just go to university but at the same time, i’m also looking into military options.
- With Navy, i’m pretty sure I can travel the world. Plus, there’s also the whole 30 day vacation every year which is pretty nice.
- I need to get a job. For various reasons.
- I’m kind of scared because they COSMOS Acceptance notifications are on Friday- I want so badly to go.
- Another problem even if I was accepted to COSMOS would be how the hell i’m going to get to freaking Santa Cruz.
- I’m pretty sure I have to learn how to drive before Academic League season.
- There’s so many things I want to do.
- I have to start really getting fit. I’m dead serious.
- I can’t tell if my leg is sore or still stiff. Either way, I hope I never ever re-tear it.
- I want to ride a motorcycle.. I don’t know why.
- Today was the end of the Academic League season. Our Novice team score was 2-5, but it was okay because a lot of the scores were close.
- Nemecek said that it was a fun and great season.
- I’m happy that I did somewhat well, except for enunciation of words and speech.
- I’m very happy to have had the chance at captaining for the Novice team and really hope that I somewhat encouraged them.
- I’m starting to gain a bigger insight on studying and things I need to learn.
- Spring break for me will be a major catch up and re-planning week that is very much needed.
- My organization and time management skills are the things i’m trying to improve right now.
- The Academic League car rides are super fucking crazy and funny.
- I love Academic League.
- Talking to Eric during/after the Novice team match in Academic League is calming, he’s a good listener.
Coming into 2013, I had one promise to myself: to become the best person I could be physically and mentally. It’s almost the 4th month in and I can honestly say that I haven’t been doing so well in keeping that promise, but you know what? Things will change starting now. I will exercise regardless if i’m in a brace. I’ll exercise even if it’s just a tiny little Physical Therapy exercises. I will eat healthy. I will succeed. So I promise you that by the end of this year, i’ll be the best person I have ever been in my 16 years I’ve been alive.
One of my flaws lies in not caring enough. I don’t even know when it started but ever since then, my personality has developed into my self defense mechanism. I no longer care about anything, and when I do, it’s short-lived. People always view me as this chill, cool, and down-to-earth girl who cares about nothing, when in reality, i’m only like that because I don’t want to get hurt. I don’t want to expect things could happen between me and someone else. It sucks, but until then, i’m stuck on an endless repeat of self-rejection.
I never actually thought I’d ever write one of those, but RO Ball made me realize that maybe I should. It made me realize that one day, I will have you and that’s the day I can honestly say that I’ve put my walls down and let someone in. Well, what can I say? I’m sorry i’m not perfect nor rich enough to take you out everywhere. But, I do promise you that I will love you. I promise you that even if for whatever I hear from others, that i’ll trust you with all my heart. I just ask you, please don’t lie to me. I can’t promise you that i’ll perfect either, but I can assure you that you that when I say I love you, I mean it. I’ll be the first to tell you good morning and the last person to tell you good night. I’ll pick on you constantly but in the end, i’ll always call you beautiful and tell you I love you. I’ll hug you and hold your hand whenever I can. I’ll answer anything as long as you ask. I’ll try my best to become your support, your best friend, and lastly your girlfriend. We’ll go out to sunset cliffs, watch the sunset and talk about the little things in life. We’ll sit in Cafes we’ve never been to, take long walks on the beach, and eat a lot of ice cream whenever we feel down or happy or spontaneous. We’ll have a sleepover consisting of our favorite movies and buckets of ice cream. I’ll show you my favorite places in the world, orw e can go to places we’ve never been to. I’ll take your hand when you fall or catch you when youre down. Or we can do whatever the heck you want, I don’t care, as long as it’s with you. I can’t promise you we’ll have no fights, because we will, but, I can promise you that I’ll try my hardest to understand. I’ll give you my jacket whenever you’re cold and forget yours. I’ll wear your name bracelet 24/7. I’ll smile whenever I see you and instantly run over to hug you. And when the day comes we part, I hope that you’ll still remember me in good light and not as a regret. Because, i’ll love you forever.
I always wondered why I fall for those who I can never have and are so close to me instead of those who are perfect. I mean, he’s funny, smart, nice,sweet, and tall. He’s perfect. You’re cute, smart, ditzy, and an air head. You’re also my JV and someone I can never have. The worst part of this all? I’m so close to you that I basically talk, say I love you, and see you everyday of my life.
- It’s a constant battle between giving up and finding motivation to continue.
- One of the people that make my world tolerable will be leaving soon and then, I’ll be stuck in a hell hole with no way out.
- I wish I had the looks and confidence to ask someone out.
- I like you, but you like him.
- I also like you, but I really like her.
(Source: elli5)
- My first time going to a school dance, it was lovely.
- Lim was my fake photo date and I found it funny how his smile was so big but I wasn’t smiling at all. I felt guilty right after.
- When you came in, I could’ve sworn that was the first time I thought someone looked so beautiful.
- This was one of the best nights of my life.
- I really really fell for you after that night.
- March 23,2013
- I thought that it was really cute how you smiled, and I know I’ve tried getting my mind off of your smile, but I couldn’t help but notice it.
- You remind me of my bestfriend.
- I missed Arlaine’s mini birthday party which I feel bad about.
- Sitting next to Caitlyn and unarmed was hilarious. I found it funny how Caitlyn said “i’m falling asleep” during the speeches which almost made me laugh out loud.
- I like how I actually almost slow danced with Lim for like 5 seconds until my brother pushed him and glared at him LOL.
- I found it funny how you kept complaining about your date but yet, you still adventured with me.
- That one bathroom upstairs was really nice.
- You were really really just fucking cute.
- That night made me realize that maybe, Hannah was right ever since December and that maybe, I did like you even before I knew it myself.
- It’s not that I don’t really give a fuck about anything, it’s just that I learned that the more I ignore the little things that bother me, the happier I am.
- I feel like I don’t give a fuck about anything anymore.
- I can’t wait to get off crutches and this brace and just walk.
- I can’t wait for RO Ball.
- My mind’s a mess at the moment. I can’t focus on anything.
- I haven’t written on this in a while.
- I honestly can’t believe that Camille and Carre are moving next year. I always imagined that our team would last all 3 years but I guess shit happens for a reason. I’ll miss them but I know for sure they’ll be much happier so I guess it’s always for the better.
- My knee hurts like a son of a bitch at the moment. I didn’t even freaking know that they repaired the tear instead of just cleaning it..
- I really don’t care about a lot of stuff, but when I do I take everything to heart.
- I just finished my application for COSMOS tomorrow. I hope I get in, it’ll be seriously a great experience to be home away for a month and to visit a place farther than L.A.
- I feel kinda sad at the fact i’m probably not going to get better before Fontana, but, honestly, I know they’ll do really good. I know each of us relies on one another and it’s never the same when we compete with one of us missing but I know them; they’ll be fine.
- I still like him. I feel stupid.
- RO Ball is in a month. I don’t know how to feel about that.
- I’ve realized that people care about me more than I ever thought. Especially after when I came back from surgery from a month.
- I don’t know what it is that people see in me but apparently i’m really good at leading in Academic League and i’m strong. I’m not strong- I just realized that if I let every little thing bother me, i’ll just go back to being depressed.
- I promise to myself that if I ever reach my goal weight of 135, i’ll cut my hair and completely change my wardrobe.
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